7
"This
is it. This is it."
I
couldn't stop
repeating
"This
is it."
My
ringing head ringing
moving
as fast as
I
could
toward
the ER
down
glaring hallways
labyrinthine hallways
unnatural sterile light
hallways
I
couldn't stop
8
Stop
holding breath.
Stop
grinding teeth.
Stop
thinking
about
him leaving.
Stop
thinking
about
him dying.
Stop
the late-night crying.
Stop
his bitter mouth
from
saying hopeless.
Stop
his fear.
Stop
his sickness.
Stop
this illness.
Stop
the treatments
that
leave him
Stop
the suck of air
out
of the room
out
of each thought
out
of our plans
out
of. Stop. Stop.
Stop.
9
Don't
stop now
Desperate
footfalls
Frantic
metronome
counting
toward him
Keep
moving, keep walking
Do
it for him, for us all
whoever
that is.
Find
him now. Find him.
10
Everyone
knew
this
last time
we
rushed him
that
hospital again
life
leached out
the
mechanical bed
his
clothes gone
gaunt
skull head
baby
hair
bone
white
11
Spit
clung to his chin
his
eyes searching wildly
his
face swollen shiny red
12
He
grabbed my shirt with his one free hand, strapped to the
emergency board, head tilted toward the floor to keep the
blood flowing to his brain. The word "insistence" doesn't
come close to covering the intensity of his action. It wasn't
anything but desperation, recognition that he might die at
any moment.
13
his
fingers filled with terror
his
face wild
dry
lips mouthing
something,
a message
He
pulled me to him
wild
and wide, his eyes
before
his voice
his
mouth moving
"You're
doing it wrong!
Your
whole life:
you're
doing it wrong!"
he
shouted
"Do
you hear me?!"
trying
to leave his body
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