Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Still Gone (parts 7 - 13) v.01

"This is it. This is it." 
I couldn't stop
"This is it."
My ringing head ringing
moving as fast as 

I could
toward the ER
down glaring hallways
labyrinthine hallways
unnatural sterile light
I couldn't stop

Stop holding breath.
Stop grinding teeth.
Stop thinking 
about him leaving. 
Stop thinking 
about him dying. 
Stop the late-night crying. 
Stop his bitter mouth 
from saying hopeless.
Stop his fear.
Stop his sickness.
Stop this illness.
Stop the treatments
that leave him
Stop the suck of air 
out of the room
out of each thought
out of our plans
out of. Stop. Stop.

Don't stop now
Desperate footfalls 
Frantic metronome
counting toward him
Keep moving, keep walking
Do it for him, for us all
whoever that is.
Find him now. Find him.

Everyone knew
this last time 
we rushed him 
that hospital again
life leached out
the mechanical bed
his clothes gone
gaunt skull head
baby hair 
bone white

Spit clung to his chin 
his eyes searching wildly
his face swollen shiny red

He grabbed my shirt with his one free hand, strapped to the emergency board, head tilted toward the floor to keep the blood flowing to his brain. The word "insistence" doesn't come close to covering the intensity of his action. It wasn't anything but desperation, recognition that he might die at any moment.

his fingers filled with terror
his face wild
dry lips mouthing
something, a message

He pulled me to him
wild and wide, his eyes
before his voice
his mouth moving

"You're doing it wrong! 
Your whole life:
you're doing it wrong!"
he shouted
"Do you hear me?!"
trying to leave his body

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